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timpeltjeMeet Shirley-Anne, or Lorna, or Bernadette; yeah, she looks like a Bernadette.
Her friends call her Bernie, at least they do behind her back so she won't hear it. Truth is, she doesn't really like that nickname. When her goatee was beginning to appear, people started saying it for the first time. Embarrassed, Bernie waxed off that slightly tangled collection of fresh chin hairs with such brutal force, that it actually caused her body to respond by sprouting up a darker and more numbrous collection of goatee hairs. It was a fight that started a long time ago, but she is still in active battle; a poet may see it as a dance between the physical and the mind, but Bernie would probably tell that poet to shove his dance up his own arse (to which the poet would spend half an hour imagining how on earth a dance could end up in someone's bottom; and what would the rules be? How long must that dance be in order for it to be recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records? Questions that couldn't be answered: Wikipedia blamed Google for it and Google blamed Apple, who in turn pointed their fingers at Samsung, who then revealed it was actually all about a goat in the Himalayas, but I digress).
Nobody could have ever predicted Bernadette being a model for photos, not so much because she was a bit prissy when it came to showing her breasts in public (though this was mostly because she hadn't seen them since 1987; "it's always in the last place you look, Bernard," that's what I'd tell her before robbing her appartment clean and stealing her car and pet parakeet (food for the road)).
The agent who discovered her, a hairy Persian with a keen eye for talent (he called himself Billy, because he tries to make people believe he's Italian (nobody would dare mention to him that Billy isn't really an Italian name; you don't bite the hand that feeds you... no, sir! You lick it softly, guide it towards your genitals and let it take a short vacation in the area))), well he saw her walking on the street when she was having the flu. Or was she just acting? Her performance was so convincing, he stepped up to her and offered her a contract, gave her a bunch of promises on how, in a few years time, she could go from stock photo modelling to the real thing (by which he actually meant granny porn, but she mistook it to mean "Paris runway shows". Tomato, tomato: if you write that one down, it is even more the same!
Overwhelmed by her own physical success, Bernie didn't have to give it eons of thought to sign and enroll in the rock and roll lifestyle of kings and queens.
Personally, I think this is her best work. In the text that accompanies the image (a medical text), we read symptoms of people with common colds. Difficult to imagine, which is why I'm glad the pharma company paid off a photographer and a model.
Where Bernie really shines, is her ability to allow for multiple interpretations of the same image and that is why she is currently one of the most requested stock photo model.
Without the text, one might think she is giving a blowjob to a very narrow, but long penis, half-choking on its squirted out fluid (she only decided to do that to not have to look at its narrow freakishness - plus she really didn't want any in her hair). I am sure you can find that very same image on some rather "spoiled" part of the internet to mean exactly that, Bernie laughing all the way to the bank!
Or who's to say she not just about to play the dice and she's kissing them (hard, really hard) for good luck?
Or is that just her way of drinking from one of those airplane vodka bottles?
And is she married there and is she just about to vomit? Or cry?
These are all pertinent questions that only illustrate how good Bernie is at her job.
As you can see for yourself, it's only a matter of time before she will be able to enter the "big leagues".
Until then: Bernie, keep coughing that shit up and hiding that beard, sexy!
Her friends call her Bernie, at least they do behind her back so she won't hear it. Truth is, she doesn't really like that nickname. When her goatee was beginning to appear, people started saying it for the first time. Embarrassed, Bernie waxed off that slightly tangled collection of fresh chin hairs with such brutal force, that it actually caused her body to respond by sprouting up a darker and more numbrous collection of goatee hairs. It was a fight that started a long time ago, but she is still in active battle; a poet may see it as a dance between the physical and the mind, but Bernie would probably tell that poet to shove his dance up his own arse (to which the poet would spend half an hour imagining how on earth a dance could end up in someone's bottom; and what would the rules be? How long must that dance be in order for it to be recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records? Questions that couldn't be answered: Wikipedia blamed Google for it and Google blamed Apple, who in turn pointed their fingers at Samsung, who then revealed it was actually all about a goat in the Himalayas, but I digress).
Nobody could have ever predicted Bernadette being a model for photos, not so much because she was a bit prissy when it came to showing her breasts in public (though this was mostly because she hadn't seen them since 1987; "it's always in the last place you look, Bernard," that's what I'd tell her before robbing her appartment clean and stealing her car and pet parakeet (food for the road)).
The agent who discovered her, a hairy Persian with a keen eye for talent (he called himself Billy, because he tries to make people believe he's Italian (nobody would dare mention to him that Billy isn't really an Italian name; you don't bite the hand that feeds you... no, sir! You lick it softly, guide it towards your genitals and let it take a short vacation in the area))), well he saw her walking on the street when she was having the flu. Or was she just acting? Her performance was so convincing, he stepped up to her and offered her a contract, gave her a bunch of promises on how, in a few years time, she could go from stock photo modelling to the real thing (by which he actually meant granny porn, but she mistook it to mean "Paris runway shows". Tomato, tomato: if you write that one down, it is even more the same!
Overwhelmed by her own physical success, Bernie didn't have to give it eons of thought to sign and enroll in the rock and roll lifestyle of kings and queens.
Personally, I think this is her best work. In the text that accompanies the image (a medical text), we read symptoms of people with common colds. Difficult to imagine, which is why I'm glad the pharma company paid off a photographer and a model.
Where Bernie really shines, is her ability to allow for multiple interpretations of the same image and that is why she is currently one of the most requested stock photo model.
Without the text, one might think she is giving a blowjob to a very narrow, but long penis, half-choking on its squirted out fluid (she only decided to do that to not have to look at its narrow freakishness - plus she really didn't want any in her hair). I am sure you can find that very same image on some rather "spoiled" part of the internet to mean exactly that, Bernie laughing all the way to the bank!
Or who's to say she not just about to play the dice and she's kissing them (hard, really hard) for good luck?
Or is that just her way of drinking from one of those airplane vodka bottles?
And is she married there and is she just about to vomit? Or cry?
These are all pertinent questions that only illustrate how good Bernie is at her job.
As you can see for yourself, it's only a matter of time before she will be able to enter the "big leagues".
Until then: Bernie, keep coughing that shit up and hiding that beard, sexy!
