Timmy the Exclamatory Inventor!

"Hello, can I help you?"
"It depends. Are we alone?"
"Err... yes, sir, as you can see there is nobody here except for you and me..."
"No, I know, but are there microphones?"
"Microph-"
"You're wearing a wire, right? Do you work for them?"
"Sir, I don't know what you're talking about; this is just a normal bookshop..."
"No, sorry, you're right, you're right, I'm sorry, it's just-"
"Are you okay? Do you need a glass of water?"
"So that you can put cyanide in it and kill me off in an instant, that's what you want, right?"
"No, sir, really. Are you looking for a book?"
"NO I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A BOOK, WOULD I BE SO ANXIOUS IF I WERE?"
"No, but that's all we have... If you need Valium or Xanax, just try the pharmacy across the street..."
"Look, you seem nice and all, but you have to know I'm being chased."
"You're what?"
"Being chased."
"But by whom?"
*whispers* "Punctuation people."
"Punctuation people?"
"Punctuation people, they want to finish me off."
"But there's no such thing as punctuatio-"
"YES THERE IS. How else would I get this?" *shows injury on arm*
"But that's just a spider bite or something."
"Look, I need to hide for a while, can I hide here?"
"But why would they want to kill you?"
"If I tell you, you are at risk of becoming a target too."
*cynical:* "I will take my chances."
"Very well then...."
*pause*
"Yes?"
"I invented the proclamation mark!"
"No you didn't!"
"Don't use them when you talk to me! Shit, now I'm doing it too!"
"Haha! Seriously?"
"Please don't, they can't track me down based on that."
"I think you need help, sir."
"YES, that's why I came in here for."
"No, I mean like, professional help."
"Look, I figured someone who loves books would understand. Now can you hide me?"
"Sir, the exclamation mark has been around for ages, there's no way you could have invented it. You look no older than 25."
"Oh thank you for the compliment! I'm 94 actually."
"What?"
"I invented the exclamation mark during the Great Depression in the 1930's. People were doing all kinds of things to get money back then. Now, I did my fair share of whoring, I must admit, but it hardly helped pay the bills..."
"Sir.."
"So I decided I come up with a new form of punctuation. That's when I invented the exclamation mark. I carry the original exclamation mark with me at all times. That's what they're after."
"But why would they want to kill you?"
"Money of course! I patented the exclamation mark in 1932 and everyone who ever used it would have to pay me royalties. They deleted the patent record and ever since they have been trying to silence me to get rid of the evidence."
"But aren't there any exclamation marks in, like, old books and stuff?" *points to old books and stuff*
"Yeah, but all of these have been retroactively put there. Before, to denote an exclamation, people just used a drop of pig's blood. You have to see that they're a powerful organisation, with links to the Illuminati and they're the driving force behind the New World Order organisation."
"Really? Could I have a look at the original?"
*hesitant:* "If you promise to hide me from them."
"Okay."
*takes out original exclamation mark, written on some leatherised cat skin (it was the Great Depression, people were hungry, so cats were yummy)*
"Wow, it's beautiful. It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen."
*takes it back*
"Okay, so hide me now. Where can I go?"
"Oh, we have a basement you can hide in. I can even lock it from the outside."
"Fine, fine. Please promise not to tell anyone about this."
"I promise, sir, it's an honour to have met you."
*Timmy follows the shop clerk down into the basement. A candle is lit. They say goodbye and agree on a 24 hour lock-up until the coast is clear. The shop clerk hugs Timmy and leaves him, closing off the entrance to the basement as she leaves.*

*Shop clerk into a hidden microphone:* "THE COCK IS STUCK IN THE HEN HOUSE - REPEAT - THE COCK IS STUCK IN THE HEN HOUSE*