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Urges to Kill
22 July 2011 02:27 amI remembered the "IKEA bomber" story while I was speeding through my local IKEA this week, avoiding screaming children, fighting morons over a 50 cent vase and of course all the slave labour products around me. Every time I set foot in an IKEA, I start wondering what it was I came to find (and to this day, I cannot tell you).
Apparently, a man had been busy planting bombs at IKEA stores around Europe. With every step I took, I started to understand him more and more. It's not even the excessive mind-numbing display of capitalism that does it, it is the people who gave up everything they believed in to buy some cheap furniture.
As my urge to kill was rising to never before seen heights (not since my last IKEA visit, that is) I began contemplating a bombing myself. If I were to bomb something, it would never be public transportation (how, as a terrorist, would anyone ever give you any sympathy like that? I mean, if you were to bomb IKEA shoppers, at least you could hide it as a (admittedly blunt) message about capitalist society today (hmmm, perhaps this could be an art project....? :-))).
Still, I was there without any bombs, passing someone buying a 49 euro picture of New York and/or Paris and his mother asking if it would be enough to decorate his room. I thought about the picture's photographer. Looking at the NY and Paris photo, I hardly thought it was worth the money (maybe 50 cents to send as a postcard to my grandmother).
I ended up empty-handed and relieved that I was out of the massive display of mindlessness. The only empty space was the Swedish specialty shop. They didn't have Absolut vodka's any more, so all there was left to buy was some meatballs and lingonsylt (non-sweetened jam) to go with them. The packet said it contained 80 meatballs.
I went outside, opened the bag of frozen meatballs and released the lingonsylt into it. I stirred this mixture for maximum effect and headed for the entrance and one by one, I started throwing my meatballs at the crowd of new shoppers just entering the IKEA, all the while shouting "FREE MEATBALLS, FREE MEATBALLS!! HA - HA - HA - HAAAAAA! SUCK MY BALLSSSSSS!"
I don't think I killed anyone though....
Apparently, a man had been busy planting bombs at IKEA stores around Europe. With every step I took, I started to understand him more and more. It's not even the excessive mind-numbing display of capitalism that does it, it is the people who gave up everything they believed in to buy some cheap furniture.
As my urge to kill was rising to never before seen heights (not since my last IKEA visit, that is) I began contemplating a bombing myself. If I were to bomb something, it would never be public transportation (how, as a terrorist, would anyone ever give you any sympathy like that? I mean, if you were to bomb IKEA shoppers, at least you could hide it as a (admittedly blunt) message about capitalist society today (hmmm, perhaps this could be an art project....? :-))).
Still, I was there without any bombs, passing someone buying a 49 euro picture of New York and/or Paris and his mother asking if it would be enough to decorate his room. I thought about the picture's photographer. Looking at the NY and Paris photo, I hardly thought it was worth the money (maybe 50 cents to send as a postcard to my grandmother).
I ended up empty-handed and relieved that I was out of the massive display of mindlessness. The only empty space was the Swedish specialty shop. They didn't have Absolut vodka's any more, so all there was left to buy was some meatballs and lingonsylt (non-sweetened jam) to go with them. The packet said it contained 80 meatballs.
I went outside, opened the bag of frozen meatballs and released the lingonsylt into it. I stirred this mixture for maximum effect and headed for the entrance and one by one, I started throwing my meatballs at the crowd of new shoppers just entering the IKEA, all the while shouting "FREE MEATBALLS, FREE MEATBALLS!! HA - HA - HA - HAAAAAA! SUCK MY BALLSSSSSS!"
I don't think I killed anyone though....
