Choose life.
1 July 2005 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timpeltjefor the first time in six years, I'm "really" considering giving up my work in the restaurant, have a laid-back month, and enjoy myself. the atmosphere sucks, the co-workers are still throwing insults at each other; I think it is time to search something else...If I will search something else, not needing the money so much as I do other years. I have seen that the period of going out and having fun with the group is completely over. The "boss" is becoming more of an abstract person than a friend and everybody else is so worked up with complaining or doing something else that I'm just silently considering of following the same way our cook has taken last week. I'll give them time to find a replacement, maybe a week or so. Things will have to improve. Anyway, I'm going to look out for something else now, actively searching I may start doing next week. Maybe I won't even do a thing: that would be nice, too. Maybe I can start some sort of social life again (instead of satisfying myself with acquaintances who tend to look in the same way at me...UP). Not that I need it right now. I am contradicting myself in my wants and needs.
flutteringly confusing,
his dream passes before me,
like the taxi driver who
ignores my frantic waving.
I'll have to wait for the next,
my deserted surroundings leave me
with no other way out.
the dying tree I lean against
is clueless as to when the next one
will come
to exhaust me.
I want it to be Thursday now; that's when I'll know my results. I'll have one more certainty then. Now I'm tired and my legs and feet ache. I will massage myself a bit before I go to sleep, also mentally. Tonight I am Goethe's Werther, tomorrow I might scratch my crotch and wonder what the fuck I was on about. I don't know which of these I really can be.
I bought the first six feet under season DVD's today - they better be good!! ghi! I also bought Alan Hollinghurst's "The Line of Beauty" (Booker Prize winner this year). I want to expand my literary genius (oh yes, "genius", in times of uncertainty, I remain ever self-confident (to the outside world only perhaps, but...ah well...))
Tonight, nothing will satisfy me. My breaths are too quick, too thoughtful; I need to be protected from myself -maybe a simple hug would do that.
*sigh*
flutteringly confusing,
his dream passes before me,
like the taxi driver who
ignores my frantic waving.
I'll have to wait for the next,
my deserted surroundings leave me
with no other way out.
the dying tree I lean against
is clueless as to when the next one
will come
to exhaust me.
I want it to be Thursday now; that's when I'll know my results. I'll have one more certainty then. Now I'm tired and my legs and feet ache. I will massage myself a bit before I go to sleep, also mentally. Tonight I am Goethe's Werther, tomorrow I might scratch my crotch and wonder what the fuck I was on about. I don't know which of these I really can be.
I bought the first six feet under season DVD's today - they better be good!! ghi! I also bought Alan Hollinghurst's "The Line of Beauty" (Booker Prize winner this year). I want to expand my literary genius (oh yes, "genius", in times of uncertainty, I remain ever self-confident (to the outside world only perhaps, but...ah well...))
Tonight, nothing will satisfy me. My breaths are too quick, too thoughtful; I need to be protected from myself -maybe a simple hug would do that.
*sigh*
