A Game of Risk
26 April 2012 02:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timpeltjeFrom a historical perspective, Berlin is not a good place to start conquering the world from.
Okay, initially, it may all look like it's going to work out for a couple of years and that indeed the whole world will one day be at your feet, awaiting your perverted instructions to let them lick the mushrooms that are by then growing in the spaces between your toes (I'm conquering the world, damn it! No time for foot hygiene!). Ah yes, if only I were a foot fetishist, then at least this would all make sense. Now, both the licking and the mushrooms scare me.
History aside, I don't remember anyone ever saying anything about learning from the past. If we did, we'd still be chasing mammoths with pointy sticks and gang raping Neanderthals on Tuesdays (couldn't write "killing Neanderthals", because I remember some research that said that a certain percentage of our DNA has Neanderthal origins, so that means that, before we killed them, we had "our wicked way" with them, poor things...).
*Little Timmy has a career orientation discussion*
'So Timmy, what do you want to do when you grow up?'
*shy* 'I don't know...'
'Well I see here your grades are good overall, so there is nothing you couldn't do.'
'Really?'
'Sure! What was the first thing you ever wanted to be?'
'A mommy.'
'Well, that's going to be difficult, isn't it? Do you know why?'
'Because I don't have a bagina?'
'There is that yes... But you can be a daddy!'
'No, I realised I hate children.'
'Well, being a parent is not a real job anyway, I mean, you don't get paid for it or anything. What else did you want to become?'
'A dustman!'
'Why a dustman?'
'Because I like getting dirty!'
'I'm sure you're more suitable for something else...'
'Well, there is one thing...'
'Yes?'
'I'd like to become ruler of the world one day and enslave the human race.'
'That's quite a difficult thing to accomplish, Timmy.'
'Well, one needs to have some ambition in life!'
'True, but maybe you should strive for something more attainable.'
'But that sounds boring!'
Upon which Timmy ended the conversation, planting his foot into the poor man's genitalia, leaving the room in a dramatic fashion, though not before grabbing the man's wallet and urinating on his desk.
'1 down, 7 billion to go!' thought Timmy and he strolled on, happy about his accomplishment...
Okay, initially, it may all look like it's going to work out for a couple of years and that indeed the whole world will one day be at your feet, awaiting your perverted instructions to let them lick the mushrooms that are by then growing in the spaces between your toes (I'm conquering the world, damn it! No time for foot hygiene!). Ah yes, if only I were a foot fetishist, then at least this would all make sense. Now, both the licking and the mushrooms scare me.
History aside, I don't remember anyone ever saying anything about learning from the past. If we did, we'd still be chasing mammoths with pointy sticks and gang raping Neanderthals on Tuesdays (couldn't write "killing Neanderthals", because I remember some research that said that a certain percentage of our DNA has Neanderthal origins, so that means that, before we killed them, we had "our wicked way" with them, poor things...).
*Little Timmy has a career orientation discussion*
'So Timmy, what do you want to do when you grow up?'
*shy* 'I don't know...'
'Well I see here your grades are good overall, so there is nothing you couldn't do.'
'Really?'
'Sure! What was the first thing you ever wanted to be?'
'A mommy.'
'Well, that's going to be difficult, isn't it? Do you know why?'
'Because I don't have a bagina?'
'There is that yes... But you can be a daddy!'
'No, I realised I hate children.'
'Well, being a parent is not a real job anyway, I mean, you don't get paid for it or anything. What else did you want to become?'
'A dustman!'
'Why a dustman?'
'Because I like getting dirty!'
'I'm sure you're more suitable for something else...'
'Well, there is one thing...'
'Yes?'
'I'd like to become ruler of the world one day and enslave the human race.'
'That's quite a difficult thing to accomplish, Timmy.'
'Well, one needs to have some ambition in life!'
'True, but maybe you should strive for something more attainable.'
'But that sounds boring!'
Upon which Timmy ended the conversation, planting his foot into the poor man's genitalia, leaving the room in a dramatic fashion, though not before grabbing the man's wallet and urinating on his desk.
'1 down, 7 billion to go!' thought Timmy and he strolled on, happy about his accomplishment...
