(no subject)

I try to close myself off from everyone and everything, but that's not really possible anyway. Feeling emptiness is weird. I try to be positive and look ahead but in an unguarded moment, you spend your time looking back to try and recover some warmth. I slept in a sleeping bag last night just so I wouldn't notice the emptiness of the double bed.

I am trying to harden my emotions so that I can be prepared for a long journey. It's a good thing I need to do a lot of things these days. It's a bad thing that I should repress what I could have been so sure of. Time will kill all that, I guess (not heal, in this case, that would just be rude).

I said goodbye to my sister today and she started crying. I couldn't contain myself and cried about a lot more. I am being honest with my emotions today. These blurry days in between should teach me something about myself. What, I do not know. But it feels like I should.

I don't want to fall too deep.