(no subject)
6 July 2005 10:41 pmTomorrow I'll finally get my grades of my final year that's finally coming to a final close. FINALLY!
I've not been doing much with the spare time I've been having due to the bad weather, except thinking, hoping and worrying. since all of these actions do not require that much of me physically, I am in need of some physical "release", meaning that I'll probably go running again one of these days. I think there is some animal aggression within me now, one that is perpetually dominated by my ratio, but it is still strong enough to let me know to try and find a way out of that aggression. I noticed some of my aggression today when I took pleasure in imagining brutally torturing the two incredibly irritating women who sat across me in the train I was on (for some silly reason, I took a train and fled Ghent today... I don't know if it did me any good, I guess it did). When they were talking about "that Ludo de Jong" (their boss probably) and his reorganising the gossip-filled place where they work, I imagined myself killing them so very neutrally that it became pleasurable. Luckily they got off in Lokeren before I had a chance to maim them *psychopathic look*. Public transportation is great, if it wasn't for the "public" you unintentionally have to deal with/listen to.
If I do not go anywhere this summer or do not change anything, I'll be bored as hell. I am already. I want it to be adventurous, I want you to be adventurous too, I want him to be adventurous for me. I'm thinking how I can force this newness upon me.
I hope I'm healthy, I don't want to have an antibiotics-treatment now. with the ghent city festival coming up - 10 days of escapist partying in which I have not spent one day sober for the past five years - and antibiotics would mean no binge-drinking this year. My brain cells are cheering loudly now, so maybe there's a positive side to it too, I'll not be getting dumber this year (more appropriate: less smart). ah well, we'll see.
I want some new experiences and share that and myself, but maybe I'm just to much of an imaginary train-lady-killer to be a romantic soul as well... I do not want to be licked, I need to be kissed. a deep nuance today.
I've not been doing much with the spare time I've been having due to the bad weather, except thinking, hoping and worrying. since all of these actions do not require that much of me physically, I am in need of some physical "release", meaning that I'll probably go running again one of these days. I think there is some animal aggression within me now, one that is perpetually dominated by my ratio, but it is still strong enough to let me know to try and find a way out of that aggression. I noticed some of my aggression today when I took pleasure in imagining brutally torturing the two incredibly irritating women who sat across me in the train I was on (for some silly reason, I took a train and fled Ghent today... I don't know if it did me any good, I guess it did). When they were talking about "that Ludo de Jong" (their boss probably) and his reorganising the gossip-filled place where they work, I imagined myself killing them so very neutrally that it became pleasurable. Luckily they got off in Lokeren before I had a chance to maim them *psychopathic look*. Public transportation is great, if it wasn't for the "public" you unintentionally have to deal with/listen to.
If I do not go anywhere this summer or do not change anything, I'll be bored as hell. I am already. I want it to be adventurous, I want you to be adventurous too, I want him to be adventurous for me. I'm thinking how I can force this newness upon me.
I hope I'm healthy, I don't want to have an antibiotics-treatment now. with the ghent city festival coming up - 10 days of escapist partying in which I have not spent one day sober for the past five years - and antibiotics would mean no binge-drinking this year. My brain cells are cheering loudly now, so maybe there's a positive side to it too, I'll not be getting dumber this year (more appropriate: less smart). ah well, we'll see.
I want some new experiences and share that and myself, but maybe I'm just to much of an imaginary train-lady-killer to be a romantic soul as well... I do not want to be licked, I need to be kissed. a deep nuance today.