Tomorrow is Today

"Regarding this dissertation, I can be brief: this is by far one of the best Master's dissertations I have read during the last couple of years. (...) This dissertation has great structure, a logically built-up argumentation, and the language use is correct and stilistically suitable. (...)All this makes this dissertation not only a deserving and complete final product of a four-year-long university education, but also a valuable contribution to the scientific discipline - GLBTQ studies - in which it intervenes." (outtake from my dissertation reports, by Dr. Stef Craps)

Today I got the dissertation reports from my three readers and they are all very positive. If ever I would want to go for a Ph.D. I knew that this dissertation needed to have such positive comments. I said on Sunday that I wasn't really interested in the results, possibly because I was convinced that it was going to be good enough to meet my expectations. I just started doubting a little bit when I got nearer to the actual picking up of the reports. I'm SO satisfied with myself right now (and rightfully so, I dare say! ghi!) and I know that I am beginning to break free from everything that ties me here. If I get 17 for the dissertation, I'll make some changes to it (correct the few mistakes mentioned) and send it in for a competition. That's vanity for you, showing off and everything. I could kiss my mirror today! ghi!

This summer needs to be one of transition; I know what I want, but I do not know if it is achievable. I still haven't got all I wanted, but some things take time; time I want to spend well, learning about me, writing about me, thinking of somebody else for a change. Who knows where I'll end up?


Song of The Golden Phoenix to the Chained Bluebird and Himself

There is a chained bluebird,
desperately flying around -
the chains not loosening one bit -
he flies above all and everyone
but remains stuck above the surface
he was chained to. He spends his life
flying over the heads of everyone,
devising cunning plans to break
the chain loose from his frail
hind legs. But he has not come up
with one yet. The more he sees life
develop beneath him, the more he
questions himself; he thinks of
all the other birds who think them-
selves more lucky than him.
Frustrated, plan-devising,
and still so very chained,
he flies but knows he is
standing still. This is not
flying like he imagined it.



I am deciding that I want to see if this bluebird can be set free and if it can, I will have won. I always win. Why shouldn't I win now?





on a completely different note, I must say that I am extremely happy that our ugly, arrogant, fascist, and oh so incredibly stupid cook resigned yesterday! I wanted him to resign the first time I worked with him(over a year ago), I put up with him because I learned to use him for my personal gain, everyone did. I even think I educated him on some points (like on his stereotypical views on the homosexual - he said I opened his (ugly) eyes on that point); hell, maybe I'm not such a bad teacher anyway (though I should lose some of my all-knowing arrogance! ghi!). I do not know how long this summer will be in café de paris for me. They think I'm doing August & September as well as July. I've not said yes to any month. I'm leaving everything open. I may start liking it again like I used to (though this remains doubtful). I am ready for Something New.


Clean me.