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21 June 2005 05:07 amI'm a bit tipsy now, but it's a good time to write anyway. Sun is coming up, I'm naked, I just burped and I'm still smiling. I feel it's working out in some way, beyond doubt and knowledge, Swedish and Finnish, Dutch and Spanish, British or Australian English, etc... I am tasting my own freedom of life now.
Today (well on monday-morning) I had my final exam of my University of Ghent education. Finnish. In a sense, the way how the exam went was an epitome for how I felt the last couple of weeks. It was "fun". I filled in the finnish exercises with real ease and knew all the strange forms the language has and the teachers (two women, one 24, the other much older: both really liked me though) amused themselves to hear me talk so empathically about my answers on their questions. The oral part was most fun: they were asking questions and a totally un-nervous me played with the answers in a way that will give me at least a 16/20 (pass with great distinction). Why this exam was an exemplification of my feelings? well, the reason is "knowledge" basically: the more details I remembered, the more points I scored, the more smiles I got from the teachers, the more fun I had. Of course I love to be in the centre of attention because of my knowledge or mental capapbilities. It's who (and possibly "why") I want to be.
I also worked tonight. My aim today was to be very gentle to people in general (I was dead-happy too, having just graduated et al...) and I succeeded very well (the six Swedes gave me a 19 euro tip (yayy!)). I also was very nice to a co-worker whose work is not appreciated. I noticed last friday how the regular staff is really bitching her off, and I wanted to show that she can and will work better in a positive atmosphere. and she did. I discovered she's a really nice person and that I like her. She immediately said she loved working with me and we went to have a drink. I am normally the one who makes the new batch of students feel good in the restaurant. The only reason I work is because I want to have a good time. I also want most workers to enjoy themselves too.
but I'm also saying goodbye to the place. They know I'm in doubt. They've never seen me in doubt. They're scared. I feel powerful.
sleep now.
I still want to be
a lover in arms.
Today (well on monday-morning) I had my final exam of my University of Ghent education. Finnish. In a sense, the way how the exam went was an epitome for how I felt the last couple of weeks. It was "fun". I filled in the finnish exercises with real ease and knew all the strange forms the language has and the teachers (two women, one 24, the other much older: both really liked me though) amused themselves to hear me talk so empathically about my answers on their questions. The oral part was most fun: they were asking questions and a totally un-nervous me played with the answers in a way that will give me at least a 16/20 (pass with great distinction). Why this exam was an exemplification of my feelings? well, the reason is "knowledge" basically: the more details I remembered, the more points I scored, the more smiles I got from the teachers, the more fun I had. Of course I love to be in the centre of attention because of my knowledge or mental capapbilities. It's who (and possibly "why") I want to be.
I also worked tonight. My aim today was to be very gentle to people in general (I was dead-happy too, having just graduated et al...) and I succeeded very well (the six Swedes gave me a 19 euro tip (yayy!)). I also was very nice to a co-worker whose work is not appreciated. I noticed last friday how the regular staff is really bitching her off, and I wanted to show that she can and will work better in a positive atmosphere. and she did. I discovered she's a really nice person and that I like her. She immediately said she loved working with me and we went to have a drink. I am normally the one who makes the new batch of students feel good in the restaurant. The only reason I work is because I want to have a good time. I also want most workers to enjoy themselves too.
but I'm also saying goodbye to the place. They know I'm in doubt. They've never seen me in doubt. They're scared. I feel powerful.
sleep now.
I still want to be
a lover in arms.
