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[personal profile] timpeltje
"can vanden be raped by a bannana (SIC)"
                                                     (by anonymous Author)


This was the Google search phrase that led somebody to my personal website according to my website statistics. Redoing the search, it turns out that my website is indeed the first hit that comes up when searching for this particular line of condensed poetry.

Because, surely, that is what it must be?

Unless the genius Author was genuinely wondering if I could actually be raped by a banana. Even answering that question isn't so straightforward as it seems. Assuming that by "vanden", he does mean my last name, then it would imply that Google may have had several requests like this and therefore put me up as hit number one. But then the phrasing of the question is problematic. Rape implies that one party does not give consent for the intercourse to take place. But then the Author/Philosopher refuses to mention who would execute this rape, which I think is a rather more important element in whether or not I would consent. Instead, he is merely interested in the object. Of course, the object itself isn't particularly something I would be gagging for (gha!), but perhaps its operator might convince me otherwise. Or perhaps the author is implying more than we see on the surface. What if "banana" could be an objectification of a person? Perhaps someone dressed up as a banana, or, also feasible, representing a representative of a banana company (think Lady Chiquita - given the fact that she was conceived in 1944, then yes, I guess I wouldn't be consenting to that).

Or perhaps the misspelt "bannana" is a clever play on words, maybe referring to the Author's "banned nana" (again a grandmother, who is apparently "banned", probably because of how she would treat poor "vandens" with fruit and vegetables).

I guess we'll never know, oh Anonymous Philosopher of the Yonder Google!

Let it be known that at least now, if he (it's got to be a man, let's face it) would retry Googling this particular sentence, he would actually get a reply as well, and one that will even give him an analysis. And an answer (which, just ro sum up, is, "Yes, but...").


You see, I aim to please, even when banana-wielding rapists are involved, apparently...