16 October 2013

timpeltje: (Default)

I came to the moon. How it happened, I don't know. I was driving to the supermarket and now I woke up here.
Staring up at the earth, I'm trying to figure out how... 
I do have a bit of a headache, but I guess that is to be expected after the journey I have had (apparently).

So this is the moon...

I thought there wouldn't be any trees...
But then again, I also didn't expect there to be a prefabricated home here. And certainly not one built to accommodate me. Why was I brought here? It makes no sense.
I notice the lower gravity outside, but aside from that, I'm breathing normally. I guess there must be a dome over my head (even though I can't see it) to protect this little oasis. Ah yes, I can see the edges of the dome. The protective shield explains the vegetation here.

"HELLO? Is there anyone?" I yell out into space.

I seem to be all alone. The little house here is built for one (one bed, one chair, one fork, one knife (plastic - it's like they don't want me to kill myself, which, at any rate, wouldn't be so hard to do here), one spoon, and one confused inhabitant.

And that only leaves myself to talk to...
"So Timmy, how did we get here?"
"I haven't the faintest idea; it's like there's a giant black hole in my memory and..."
"Haha! You said 'giant black hole'!"
"Oh, grow up, will you?"
"At least I'm keeping my spirits up, dick!"
"Hey! It's not the time, nor the place, OKAY?"
"Well, it's the moon, maybe it is the place. Looks like you'll be stuck here for a while anyway."
"I know... I wonder who's behind this."
"Can you think of any enemies you've made recently?"
"Not really... I insult people on a daily basis."
"Yeah, I know, but for this, it seems you really must have pissed them off."
"Someone powerful, like a government perhaps?"
"Well, you insult those all the time, too, so it'll be difficult to find out."
"Hey, what can I say? I got political Tourette's! It's well-documented that this is an undocumented condition!"
"Whoever you wronged, clearly got his revenge."
"Or her revenge..."
"True, you make no gender distinctions with your insults."
"I should get a medal for that. Gender equality all the way, baby! Now come here and let me pinch those nipples! GHA!"
"It's hardly worth a Nobel Peace prize, but it's good to see you smile again."
"Well, at least we weren't killed..."
"If we were dead, then this would be a lousy afterlife, wouldn't it?"
"I guess. But we're not dead. Why else would they give us a plastic knife? It couldn't make us more dead, right?"
"True. Unless they want you to think that you're still alive of course."
"But I am alive."
"Oh, I know. I was just entertaining the idea."
"Of me being dead? Thanks for that. Way to cheer up my day!"
"OK, I'll stop with that. Let's focus on who you wronged."
"Someone with access to space ships..."
"That narrows it down..."
"But still not narrow enough. Sure I once compared a certain astronaut to the final excrement of a human centipede, but that was behind his back!"
"Yeah, that can't be it. Maybe it's just an anomaly in the space-time continuum?"
"What, me off to buy milk, gin, and frozen pizza and taking a wrong turn and ending up in a wormhole that inexplicably brought me here?"
"It does seem like the most likely solution..."
"No, it doesn't!"
"Yes, it does!"
"Brain, you know I love you, but you're absolutely useless right now!"
"Oh, piss off!"