27 September 2013

timpeltje: (Default)
It was in the days before the internetted web allowed you access to all the nudity you could think of when Fritz S. decided to open his very own EROTIK VIDEO KINO. He had thought of the name himself, a process that took him a few months and a lot of marketing research. But Fritz was a man with a vision. While the bank initially refused to borrow him the million Marks he wanted to borrow to finance his dream of video paradise, a ten thousand square metre playground for every fetish and sexual activity imaginable. Poor Fritz had no choice but to think about downsizing. He went to his parents who gave him 200 Marks in support. Of course he didn't tell them about what exactly his "exciting business opportunity" was, not so much because he was ashamed of his idea, but because it would ultimately mean that he would have to acknowledge that his parents ever had sex after making him. Perverted as he was (his friends called him "Hamsterbum", and that's not because his bottom looked like a hamster...), his parents didn't need to be that involved.

Anyway, with his parents' money, he realised he couldn't buy his dreamed huge venue at Alexanderplatz, so he had to look off-centre. Fritz chose Wedding because he discovered that the people walking around there showed signs of sexual frustration (he concluded that after seeing hamsters being used as pets). So the dream was ready to be built; he would do that for a few years, make his first million and then take over Alexanderplatz and leave a bag with his burning faeces at the front door of the bank that refused him. Scores needed settling, people that said no to him always underwent this punishment. It is the reason why his few friends had grown scared to refuse anything he offered, because saying no to anything would result in yet another pair of wasted shoes. And with the Great Berlin Shoe Shortage of 1995, it was something they really couldn't afford.

Fritz spent his limited means into acquiring as many VHS cassettes as he could buy, which turned out to be only ten. Slightly distraught, he realised he didn't have any cash left for his window display.

He talked it over with his hamster Tommy (shortly before... well... let's just say Tommy didn't make it).

"So I don't know how I'm going to get customers to come in. What should I do?"
"It's just that I'm out of money."
"I know, but there should at least be something we could do!"*squeak - squeak*
"Yeah, I guess that could work. So you're saying I should go for extreme minimalism here?"
*hamster sniffs, then squeaks*
"You're right! Less IS more! It'll leave horny people curious..."
"HAHAHA! I know! We don't want people masturbating in front of our window, now do we?! No, it's better to just leave it to people's imaginations to find out what is inside. What works for ALDI, works for me too!"
"True! I shouldn't raise people's expectations as well. After all, I only have about ten VHS cassettes now, two of which featuring hamsters, by the way. Sure, there will be thousands to come. But for now, we should just make it mysterious."
"Yup! And people WILL come, again and again... Tommy... Damn, you're smart for a hamster, and fun. And cute too of course... I'm almost going to regret shoving you up my bottom later!"
"It's the circle of life! Now let's get to work!"

While historians are still debating over the exact content of Fritz' conversation, his erotica emporium grew out to be one of the most thriving businesses located at number 72. While he is still saving up for his dream playground at Alexanderplatz (he's a few years behind schedule), life goes on, hamsters come and go and his VHS collection is ever expanding (he has reached 25 cassettes now).

Ah Fritz, a visionary who followed his heart and made his dream (sort of) come true. I guess the lesson here is: "don't ever take no for an answer! If people think your idea is crazy, tell them to stick a hamster up their bum and do what you believe in, regardless of resources, money or talent!"

Inspiring stories can be everywhere, you just have to see them (and by "see", I do mean "use a lot of imagination and embellishments", but that's splitting hairs really!).